Confidence Chat: Confidence In Recovery


Hello my lil chickpeas! Happy hump day, I hope you're having a great week so far. Hugeeeee apologies for missing Monday's recipe post... I've been a busy ass bee. You'll be happy to hear though, I'm back this week with another confidence chat talk! 

In this post I wanted to cover something which I've wanted to talk about for a while....

 Overcoming the stigma brought upon Eating Disorders, how to be confident with your illness and how to be confident in recovery. To be honest this is quite a personal post and something not all of you may take inspiration or help from... However I do have a lot of readers who have been in or are in similar places to myself, so I felt I could express my thoughts. Never the less do give this post a chance because I feel like you can relate this to any illness or recovery process. 

Living with an Eating Disorder is tough, there is no denying it however admitting you have one is 100 times harder. In my own recovery I found this was mainly down to the thoughts taking over in my head, 'I'm not thin enough', 'they wont believe me', 'that could never be me, how could I ever have an Eating Disorder', ' they wont care', 'they'll make me fat' 'If I gain weight they wont think I'm ill anymore' etc.

Notice one thing here...most of these thoughts are completely based around what other peoples conceptions of me are. So coming to terms with actually accepting that I needed to recover was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had no confidence that I could even recover at all.

BUT it is possible. Recovery is possible and a little confidence in that, can go a long way. 
The whole process is about listening to your feelings, listening to your body, accepting and loving yourself. 

Through the whole process of recovering I found that there is more to it than just finding confidence in yourself on the outside but finding confidence in your recovery and yourself on the inside. You have to begin to build a trust with yourself rather than trusting your Eating Disorder. And I know easier said than done but the more you practise the easier it does actually get.

 Begin to distance yourself with that disorder and have confidence that YOUR decisions are the right ones. You play a victim for way too long with an Eating Disorder because the whole world feels like it's caving in on just you. If you can take control of that, you might find your recovery a little easier. Try to tame that beast. 

Like I stated, it's hard to admit because an Eating Disorder is actually IMPOSSIBLE to see yourself. I was so scared that as soon as I appeared 'better' no one would believe me anymore and I'd still continue to live on trapped inside this demon. When really I realised the only person that was judging me was myself... and I just couldn't live like that anymore. I was living in constant fear of my Eating disorder creeping back or feeling too 'healthy' again. But again, that's playing a god damn victim... Just continuously being defined by the the one thing I wanted away from me. I needed a little confidence that I could control this, my emotions.. good or bad. Either way not letting the disorder win. 

I was also still living in the whole idea of it, not having the confidence of listening to my body. Tip toeing around thinking people cared about what I ate, counting calories, having an extra snack in case I missed a meal time, avoiding scales, thinking I'd get judged for eating a salad if I wanted too, or thinking over 1 cookie was a binge. I was still so unbelievably caught in a trap of my Eating Disorder. Rather than just listening to myself, my needs and what I wanted. 

That then moves on to being proud. Okay not proud of everything I've done but being god damn proud that I've pushed through it all and I'm still here. Because NO your illness doesn't define you but it's made you who you are right in this moment. No one should ever judge you for that. So in this moment whether you are recovering, struggling, happy, sad, anxious, excited etc. Just stop and take a moment to be god damn proud of how far you've come. Whether you managed to eat a little more than yesterday, whether you stopped weighing food, got 5 minutes without the thoughts on your mind, got through a meal, spent time with a loved one, loved yourself, exercised because you loved it, etc. Whatever it is. You're here and you're trying. That is enough. 

Have confidence in yourself, your ability to do what is best for your body and how hard you're working towards that. 

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  1. How did you start recovery and how did you keep going? I have no idea what to do!!

    1. I reached a point where I really had enough and it took a lot of determination. Like I stated in the blog post I had to find confidence in myself that I was capable to beat it. You really have to start trusting yourself rather than your Eating Disorder. If you ever need any help, feel free to message me.


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